The problem with being a virgin….!!!

It’s being a while since I have written about my

journey, my journey of singleness! It’s an important

season and we should give it the credit it deserves.

I am writing on singleness because there has been

something I have been wrestling with. I have been

wrestling with the significance of my virginity in the scope

of singleness.


For ages we have been told to wait, “don’t have sex

before marriage.” That is all good advise and that is not

the issue. The issue I have is when we are told we will get

God’s best if we keep ourselves!!! “You will get God’s best

if you don’t have sex and don’t date until you find the One.”

Before I carry on I want to make something very clear.

I have kept myself, I am a virgin, I haven’t dated yet and

years ago that was my pride and glory! I held that up

to everyone and even to God. I was going to get the best

because I was pure, I kept myself! But I was wrong.

The advise we have been getting is incomplete.

As the years go by I realize more and more

that the woman God has for me will not be given to me

because of what I have done, but because of His grace.

She will be a gift!

I don’t want to get anything based on my

performance because the truth of the matter is I would

not get anything! God looks at the

heart and my heart is sinful. I may not have slept around

but I have sinned incredibly in my heart!!


To be honest with you, I don’t deserve God’s best. I have let

Him down so much. How can I stand before Him holding

up MY version of purity (filthy rags) and with pride say,

“God give me your best”….!!!! It doesn’t work like that!

Don’t get caught up in law (I kept myself so I want this

kind of woman or this kind of man)

God is looking at your heart. He wants to give you the

best because He loves you not because you did this or

did that.


But if you have kept yourself please understand that I am

not attacking you. I want you to see that God will give you

the best because that is the kind of God He is.  Look at what the word says,


For God has not called us to impurity but to consecration

[to dedicate ourselves to the most thorough purity].

1 Thessalonians 4:7


The word says we should DEDICATE ourselves! That is

such a strong word. We dedicate ourselves to purity

because we want to honor God in our hearts of hearts!

We dedicate ourselves to purity because we love Him

with every fiber of our being.

When David committed sexual sin with Bathsheba he

ran to God. His heart was torn at what he had done.

But it was never about “I am a man after God’s heart”!

He saw himself as a man under God’s grace. He fought

to stay humble in his own eyes.

Don’t get caught up in the law side of things. We don’t

deserve anything from God to be honest. All the “good”

we have done is like filthy rags.


If God has someone out there for me it will be because He

loves me. And on my wedding day the focus won’t be on how

many years I kept myself, or how I never dated and so on but

the focus will be on God’s amazing grace and love.

It will be about how much God loved me a sinful man that He still

went ahead and gave me His best even though I didn’t deserve it!

It will be a day of praise

to Him. A day where people give Him the glory…….

I will have nothing else to stand on but His goodness

and grace and that is the way it should always be!


For those of you who think you have sinned so much that

you don’t deserve God’s best know this:

God loves you. He is a good God and He wants you to run

to Him. He knows what you have done but He wants to you

to trust Him. He has someone special for you.

Don’t believe the lie that there is no one for you. The lie

that says you have sinned too much.

The lie that says God can’t forgive you.

Just know, there is hope for you!

He has a plan for you.


God is so good. I think about all He does for me and

I thank Him. I have nothing to say. I am speechless.

I simply wait for His gifts and blessing that I didn’t

deserve or orchestrate. I do have a part to play but it

will not take away from ALL that God does for me.

Be encouraged in your season of singleness. God is

with you in it.

Have a great weekend everyone!





21 thoughts on “The problem with being a virgin….!!!

  1. Hi Rolain: Good for you! To stay “pure” for your future wife is to be admired and respected. But I’m confused. I’ve never heard of “do not date” as being a part of all that. We can most certainly have opposite sex friendships, go on dates. Dating does
    not automatically mean sex. It means getting acquainted, sharing fun times, getting to know each other and sharing like interests. It can lead to a deeper relationship but it is up to the individuals to put the skids to getting intimate before marriage. Is this “do not date” something that’s a part of your culture or is it your own way of not being tempted? Healthy relationships includes both sexes. It’s okay Rolain to take a lady to dinner and have a good time. 🙂

    • Hi Sue….

      I agree totally with you about the dating!! haha
      I have dated girls and still do and believe it’s a healthy thing to do. What I meant is I have never had a girlfriend. I should of being more clear about that. My hope is the girl I call my girlfriend is the one I will eventually call my wife!
      I never really seen the importance of having a girlfriend.

      But I do agree with you totally! Nothing wrong with taking women out on dates and so on. It’s fun! 🙂
      Thank you Sue…..Hope you had a good weekend?

  2. Hi Rolain,

    To be honest with you, I don’t deserve God’s best. I have let Him down so much. This line is so relatable. But the awesome thing is God does not look at us as “us” but as “Jesus”. So we can always approach His throne of grace with boldness.

    Thank you for following OL.


  3. This was very insightful and great, it helped me to look at this whole situation of being a virgin and waiting for the one God has for me in a new way. God bless you!

    • You welcome Brenda!
      It’s been a liberating revelation for me too…..
      God has someone amazing out there for us and we need to have faith in His goodness. It’s not by our works but because of His amazing grace we receive His “too amazing for words” blessings! 🙂
      Thank you.

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  5. Hi … Long time we did not talk. How are you?
    I am glad to know your commitment to keep the purity of your body, because it is God’s will.
    1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (ASV)
    19 Or know ye not that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit which is in you, which ye have from God? and ye are not your own;
    20 for ye were bought with a price: glorify God therefore in your body.
    At this time, not many men like you, even men who called himself a Christian. Still keep the purity of your body. Don’t do it just because of the law of God, but because of you love God, until the time God sends His chosen wife for you. Everything will be beautiful in its time. Amen

    • Hi Sella!!
      It has been a really long time since we last talked…I am good. 🙂 Life has had it’s ups and downs but I thank God I am where I am. It’s all because of His grace.

      “Everything will be beautiful in its time”

      I really love that Sella. It really fills me up with hope. God is in control and I can experience the beauty He has for me when I wait on Him. Thank you so much for that.

      How are you?


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  7. This is good theology, Rolain. If we could earn things from God, not only would we get very little, but we’d be prideful about what we got (Ephesians 2:8). So it is that God INSISTS on giving to us out of grace, so that we can see it’s about who he is, not what we do.

    It also eliminates any sense of control we might have. “Hey, if I’m good enough, God will give me XXX”. He can’t be leveraged like that. Grace puts him on the throne.

    There is the Scriptural concept of “he who can be trusted with little can be trusted with much” (Luke 16:10), and that applies to some things, but this? I don’t know. If God were waiting for people to reach total purity before he married them off, the human race would have gone extinct by now. May we all seek purity nonetheless.

    Good stuff, Rolain.

    • Thanks Brandon.
      This is the belief and conviction I have. I remember a time holding up all the things I did “right” to God and being proud about those “things” but He showed me how wrong I was. If I say I trust Him for my wife to be, then that means looking to Him alone with total confidence in His goodness and not what I have done……


  8. Your perspective on this issue is great. I would say it is good to keep the pure testimony till your wedding night – not to ‘buy’ God’s favour but as a mark of your faithfulness to God in that very tempting area. You will be glad you did. Your would-be wife will be proud that you kept yourself before.

    Come to think of it, God approves of sex only within the confines of marriage. Any thing outside that is the devil’s idea.

    Thank you for the courage to share your personal testimony.

    • Thanks Victor.
      It’s something I have to walk out daily. How many times I am tempted to take things into my own hands but that’s not it. God has a plan for me and my family and what I do now matters heaps….
      The challenge for me is to hold on to and live out what he has revealed…
      What are some things that helped you stay the course in your years of singleness?

      • Everything boiled downto God’s grace which I knew was available to me and I embraced it completely. I was determined to please God and I held out till marriage. I refused to bow down to pressures from so-called friends. I trusted God completely in that regard. I was convinced that sex is good and approved of God only within the confines of marriage. I couldn’t go with any thoughts contrary to that. I give all glory to God.

      • Thanks for that Victor. One of the hardest things to deal with is pressure from others, friends, parents pastors. That seems to be a constant theme in the life of single people. I can actually count on my hand how many people said wait for the one. Really appreciate your advise and thoughts

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