So you want to date…..?


I had the amazing opportunity of being one of the best men at a friend’s wedding.I have been to weddings before but have never been this closely involved before. Being this close made me realise a few important things. As my friend and his wife exchanged their vows I realized a covenant was being made. A covenant is something we don’t take lightly at all. God is a God of covenant and marriage is a covenant.

The other thing I realized was how there is so much pressure to date. If I like someone I must date. If it doesn’t work out it doesn’t work out. But dating is so much more. The end goal of dating should be marriage. When we go into dating we should be thinking if this is the person we could marry. Dating with no goal in mind is not really dating. If you have no intention whatsoever to marry the girl or guy  you are dating and you are dating because it’s just the thing to do then please stop. You will save the both of you a lot of heartache.

Dating is great if you understand marriage could be the end result. The whole process of dating is very focused because you have an end in mind, a goal. It may not work out and I understand that but don’t just date for the sake of dating. The person you are dating might be your husband or wife. If that is not what you want then stop.  Dating for the sake of dating just causes unnecessary pain. Do your partner a favor and stop right there.

Saying “I DO” doesn’t start on your wedding day. The process of saying those words begins when you start dating. Let us not take it lightly. Allow God to lead you in your relationships. Guard your heart and your partners heart by not getting into something you know that you know has no future. God will bring the right person at the right time! (I say that by faith….. ).    😉

Rolain

A story about a kite, love and wisdom!!!


 

This is a story about a kite. A kite is born to fly. A kite was not made to be grounded. But a kite cannot fly without the string attached to it.

A kite may wonder why it has a string attached to it. At times it feels like the string is holding it down. It could fly much higher without it. But we know the truth. Without the string the kite would crash. Without the string attached to it the kite would not be able to take off in the first place. The kite is nothing without the string. The two go hand in hand.

This story is really about how we are supposed to use wisdom in our relationships. The kite symbolizes love. We were created to love. When you see her or you see him love arises. In a relationship emotions run high and that is natural but to make a relationship work love will not be enough. You need wisdom. Wisdom is the string attached to the kite. It is wisdom that keeps love in check. Without the “string” the “kite” would crash. It’s OK to fall in love. It’s OK to feel the emotion of love but it needs something more, wisdom. A lot of relationships have failed because people have let emotions guide them.
Men, when getting into a relationship don’t let emotion be the only thing that guides you. Use wisdom. Emotions will come, strong emotions! And that’s great…..it’s natural!
Just remember to use wisdom as well. Ladies, use wisdom as well. Don’t get carried away in the emotion but ask God for wisdom. Let wisdom guide your relationship as well.
And that is the story about a kite, love and wisdom…..    🙂
Rolain.

The truth about the Proverbs 31 woman…..!


The title might be a bit much but I thought it would be really fitting for what I am about to write….
As men we have been told about the Proverbs 31 woman. Every Christian single man wants her. He prays for her.
Ladies, you may think you know Proverbs 31 but what you know cannot be matched with what we as men know about Proverbs 31. We sleep Proverbs 31, drink it, meditate on it, dream about it and so on and so on!
By now you must be thinking to yourself, common Rolain, let’s be serious please!   🙂
OK, let’s be serious. We may not drink it, and meditate on it as much as I say or dream about it but the fact remains, it is important to us. We want a Proverbs 31 woman. Ladies, you have been told to be a Proverbs 31 woman but what does that mean? We read stuff like this and are in awe… :

– A capable, intelligent, and virtuous woman – who is he who can find her? She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies or pearls. Proverbs 31:10

– She girds herself with strength [spiritual, mental, and physical fitness for her God-given task] and makes her arms strong and firm. Proverbs 31: 17

– She looks well to how things go in her household, and the bread of idleness (gossip, discontent, and self-pity) she will not eat. Proverbs 31:27

As men we read this and develop this crazy idea that you are perfect!!! I don’t say this in a derogative way. For years I has this perfect image of a Proverbs 31 woman.    My wife will be flawless I thought to my self. She will be perfect……But is that what it means to be a Proverbs 31 woman??
Ladies, this goes the other way as well. If my wife is expecting someone perfect then she is going to be seriously dissapointed!
I am human and I am trusting God to guide me in righteousness everyday. I lean on His mercy and grace everyday! I sin everyday! Does that mean I am not Mr Right???
Does being a Proverbs 31 woman mean perfection and flawlessness??? After all, Proverbs 31 doesn’t mention anything about her struggles with sin and failings or so we think! It doesn’t mention her having any battles so we think. We don’t see her in a confused state and we don’t see her struggling with fears so we conclude she is perfect! But that is not the picture Proverbs 31 paints. It paints a picture of a woman racked with sin who puts God first!! Don’t hide your imperfections. Men, don’t hide you faults. Our job is to put Him first. He should be the One you praise and direct the glory to.

But the truth is this. The Proverbs 31 woman is not perfect. Her trust is in God daily. She falls and makes mistakes. Ladies, Mr Right is in the same boat. He is flawed more than you know. Sin has left its mark! Don’t look for perfection. Expecting perfection from a person is impossible. They will never be perfect in this life. So if that is the case, what are we to look for in Mr Right and The Proverbs 31 woman? The end of Proverbs 31 puts it nicely:

Charm and grace are deceptive, and beauty is vain [because it is not lasting], but a woman who reverently and worshipfully fears The Lord, she shall be praised!   Proverbs 31:30

This is what makes the Proverbs 31 woman a Proverbs 31 woman. Her strength is in God. Her confidence is in God. She is not perfect but she has a relationship with a perfect God! Mr Right has flaws. He doesn’t try to hide them and paint a false picture of who is. He shouldn’t! His trust is in God. This is what defines them, their relationship with God. We are all a work in progress. So as I end, men, we need to go into a relationship with the right image. You are flawed but so is the woman God has for you. She is not perfect and the same goes for you too…..Let us depend on God to help us in our relationships!
God bless…..

Rolain.

 

The “Gifts” God gives us…..!


I don’t know where to start and I don’t know how to begin this post. All I can say is that the word “gift” has

taken a whole new meaning for me. A few months ago I found out my friend, was leaving the country for good! We were first friends, then he became my boss, then pastor, then mentor, then family!

My world turned upside down that day. I had people leave before and it was painful but this, this was a whole new level.

My pastor’s wife called me and sat me down as she told me the news. I was devastated and confused. Why God I asked?

This can’t be happening I thought. I had known my mentor’s family for over 10 years! I knew them when they

had their first son. They have four boys now and I love them to bits.  Anyway I remember going to God and

crying out to Him for answers to the question why. Nothing came. Instead revelation came……

 

God showed me how they were gifts from Him. I met my mentor when I had just met The Lord. I am a sinner

now but back then I was much worse. If there is a word worse than sinner I was it. I was truly lost. I had no

direction and no plan. I had crazy issues I was beginning to work out. I had just became a Christian and this new

life was still…..new! I was dealing with a lot of things. I had no confidence and I had no self esteem. When he

employed me a year after meeting him I stole money from him! It was that bad. I WAS that bad! But thank God he never fired me or called the police. He gave me a second chance…….

 

I didn’t trust anyone back then and when he tried to help me out I would think he had some evil intension! When he disciplined me at work I would take it personally. When he made a joke about me I would get extremely angry. My stuttering was so bad back then which didn’t really help things! So believe me when I say, things were bad back then, really bad!!!

But God used him and his wife to mold me into who God wanted me to be. They taught me so much. They stood by

me when I had family issues. They helped me out financially countless times. They sat down and taught me so much

about God and life. In one of the darkest times in my life they were there.

 

God showed me how that was not an accident.

He knew all the change that needed to happen in me. He saw all I was going through and because of that He sent them

into my life. They were gifts. We serve a God who is the giver of gifts but the mistake we make is thinking gifts come in the form of money only. That’s not true. God’s gifts are so much more than money. They are deeper than that. During that time I never thought of them as gifts. We had our good times together and we had hard and difficult times.

 

The fact of the matter is this. God sent me gifts in the form of my mentor and his family. I just didn’t know it at the time and I never gave them the honor they rightly deserved. I wish I never took them for granted. I wish I honored them more and thanked them more for all they had done for me. I can’t put into words all that they did for me. A lot of who I am is because of their input in my life.

They saw so much potential in me and stood by me patiently. They are my family. I am telling you all this because….

…….they left on Wednesday this week! It’s been a hard week I must admit. They had my back. But in the midst of the pain God showed me how He will bring other “gifts” into my life after all; those “gifts” came from Him. He is the giver of all gifts. My mentor and his family never willed or planned to do all they did for me. God was behind it all. My mentor never knew the kind of impact he would have in my life but God did because He planned it. God was behind it all……

Yes, I am sad and broken at them leaving but I am also at peace because God has some amazing “gifts” in store for me.

I pray I be a “gift” to someone else as well. Would God use me to be the kind of “gift” my mentor was to me……

 

Have you acknowledged the “gifts” God has put in your life? There is a reason He has placed them in your life.

Don’t take them for granted. Thank them for all they are doing for you. It is not easy for them. There is always a

sacrifice on their part. May we always appreciate the “gifts” God has given us, always!

 

 

* This post is dedicated to the Stewart family. *

The Stewart family!

The Stewart family!

 

Rolain.

I see nations……


Last year I started speaking about how God sees nations when He looks at us. We were not put on this earth just to live for ourselves. The picture, the plan is so much bigger than we could ever imagine! Abraham’s story is an amazing one. In Genesis 17:1 it says,

When Abram was ninety nine years old, the Lord appeared to him and said, I am the Almighty God; walk and live habitually before Me and be perfect (blameless, wholehearted, complete).

As we read this chapter we see Abram who was 99 years old get an amazing promise. His life seemed like it was over but it was not. He was past the age of bearing children or so it seemed, but it was only the beginning….God was saying things like:

As for Me, behold, My covenant (solemn pledge) is with you, and you shall be the father of many nations. Genesis 17:4

And I will make you exceedingly fruitful and I will make nations of you, and kings will come from you. Genesis 17:6

And God said to Abraham, As for you, you shall therefore keep My covenant, you and your descendants after you throughout their generations. Genesis 17:9

To the outsider it looked like things were pretty much finished. Abram’s life was almost over but that was not the case. God had a plan….What is also interesting to note is, yes God said He would bless Abram but God was thinking hundreds of years ahead!!! He had a plan for his posterity…And that is how God thinks. We see the same pattern in the life of King David. He had a desire to build a house for God but God wouldn’t let him because of the blood he had shed but look at the promise He made to him because he had the desire:

4 But that night the word of the Lord came to Nathan, saying:

5 “Go and tell my servant David, ‘This is what the Lord says: Are you the one to build me a house to dwell in? 6 I have not dwelt in a house from the day I brought the Israelites up out of Egypt to this day. I have been moving from place to place with a tent as my dwelling. 7 Wherever I have moved with all the Israelites, did I ever say to any of their rulers whom I commanded to shepherd my people Israel, “Why have you not built me a house of cedar?”’ 8 “Now then, tell my servant David, ‘This is what the Lord Almighty says: I took you from the pasture, from tending the flock, and appointed you ruler over my people Israel. 9 I have been with you wherever you have gone, and I have cut off all your enemies from before you. Now I will make your name great, like the names of the greatest men on earth. 10 And I will provide a place for my people Israel and will plant them so that they can have a home of their own and no longer be disturbed. Wicked people will not oppress them anymore, as they did at the beginning 11 and have done ever since the time I appointed leaders over my people Israel. I will also give you rest from all your enemies. “‘The Lord declares to you that the Lord himself will establish a house for you: 12 When your days are over and you rest with your ancestors, I will raise up your offspring to succeed you, your own flesh and blood, and I will establish his kingdom. 13 He is the one who will build a house for my Name, and I will establish the throne of his kingdom forever. 14 I will be his father, and he will be my son. When he does wrong, I will punish him with a rod wielded by men, with floggings inflicted by human hands. 15 But my love will never be taken away from him, as I took it away from Saul, whom I removed from before you. 16 Your house and your kingdom will endure forever before me; your throne will be established forever.’”

17 Nathan reported to David all the words of this entire revelation.           2 Samuel 7: 4-17

Yes, He has a plan for you but He also has a plan for your posterity! I get so excited when I hear that God has blessed my children within me. I am just the beginning, the introduction to the real story that is about to unfold! I didn’t come from a Christian background. My parents brought me up the best they knew how, they even sent me to church when I was a child!!! I thank God for that. So in a way I am paving a new way, setting a new path. You might think its all over but don’t believe the lies. God has so much more in store for you. The other thing I would like you to start doing is seeing yourself as a nation because that is how God sees you!!!  God has a plan for you and your posterity. Your life is just the introduction to a much greater and wonderful story.  Let us be like David who prepared all that Solomon needed to build the house of God. David used the relationships he had, the resources he had to make sure his son would accomplish what God had called him to do. We need to do the same thing King David did. Even if you are single, what you do now matters. Let us look to God to help us………Amen!

Rolain

Overtaking to stop…???!!!!


A commuter omnibus….

There is a phenomenon that has baffled me for the longest time. The phenomenon is when a commuter (taxi) overtakes a car so it can immediately stop!!! I have always wondered at the rationale behind the action. It just doesn’t make sense. Why would you overtake to stop? Why doesn’t the driver just be patient and drive slowly until he gets to the place he wants to stop? I don’t know if he realizes it, but he is going to get to the place eventually….. By not being patient, he endangers himself and the passengers on board.

Then a thought occurred to me. A lot of people behave the exact same way in relationships!!!!! They get into a relationship and instead of taking it slow they speed and overtake only to stop abruptly! It’s crazy. Why people get into a relationship when they know they are not ready to commit is beyond me. That is called overtaking to stop when you talk about relationships. Take your time to get to know the person. It is worth your while to be patient in a relationship. Overtaking to stop causes a lot of damage to both parties.

Men, it is your responsibility to dictate the pace of the relationship. A woman’s heart is not to be meddled with or played with. If you are not ready to get into a serious relationship why are you driving? In fact why are you speeding? Slow down and even stop if you have to. Don’t start driving until you know it is time (I hope you know what I mean)!!!   🙂

Trust God in your relationships. God is in control.

Rolain

What Does Godly Character Look Like??


Now the birth of Jesus Christ took place under these circumstances: When His mother Mary had been promised in marriage to Joesph, before they came together, she was found to be pregnant [through the power] of the Holy Spirit. 
And her [promised] husband Joesph, being a just and upright man and not willing to expose her publicly and to shame and disgrace her, decided to repudiate and dismiss (divorce) her quietly and secretly.  Matt 1:18,19

As a man this passage really speaks to me  and I will show you why. This post is directed towards  single men but if you are married or if you are a single woman please feel free and read through as well. If you have any points you would like to add please feel free to share…….  🙂

The first thing to understand is,
– Mary under law was supposed to be stoned. Joesph was her promised husband but they were not married yet. She had not been with him yet. So the fact that she was pregnant meant she was unfaithful (we know what really happened) which meant death.
– Joesph did not know she was pregnant through the power of the Holy Spirit so he could of lashed out at her because he was hurt. He could of embarrassed her and shamed her as payback. That is what any other man would of done in the same situation but he didn’t.

As young men preparing for marriage we can learn from Joesph. He was a man of character. He protected Mary even though it looked like she did him wrong.
We as men are called to protect. Don’t wait till marriage to learn, start now in your friendships with the opposite sex. Are you protecting the women in your life? You do that by your actions. Are you watching how you speak to them or are you watching your thoughts towards them? Are you encouraging them in the way of the Lord? These are some of the ways we can protect the women in our lives. I would just like to clarify something. The job of protection falls on the dad. You as a friend can protect her to some extent but it’s her family’s role. Let’s carry on….

– He was a man of integrity and character. In this time of singleness you need to build your character. Without character you cannot accomplish anything great. Allow God to build godly character in you.

– Joesph was a humble man. He didn’t allow pride to dictate how he responded to Mary.

-In the verse 20 we read how the angel of the Lord spoke to him about Mary. God was involved and that showed me that God is interested in who we are to marry. He is not just sitting and watching from afar, no. He is involved. Allow Him to come and take control of that area of your life. He wants to be involved!!!!

That is what I have to share for you men. I pray God will open your eyes to see the heart of Joesph as He did to me. I want to be like Joesph. A man who is humble and who protects and who trusts God.
I pray the same for you.

Rolain

Restoring Broken Relationships….


The importance of relationships has been on my heart of late. Relationships can be so hard and difficult at times but is that a legitimate excuse to abandon them?
We need each other. That is how we were created.
We are strong when our relationships are strong but we are weak when they are weak. I remember being in a very tense situation with a friend. It got so tense that I was about to give up on the relationship. Why bother, I asked myself? What is the point?
What do we do when the relationships we have are broken? How do you salvage a broken relationship?
The mistake we make a lot of the time is try and solve it in our own strength. We don’t bring the situation to God in prayer, instead we plough through in our strength.
The situation I was in just escalated. It just got worse and worse. I was at a loss at what to do and that is when I got the revelation.
God wants to restore our relationships so badly. Do we have the same attitude or are we tired of fighting, that we have just thrown our hands up in surrender?
Have we starting treating the people  in our lives commonly?
Have we started talking behind our friend’s back because we are bitter and angry?
Or have we ignored them altogether hoping the tension will simply go away, because it won’t!!!

Relationships are from God and they are meant to sharpen us, build us up and mean’t to propel us into our future but why have they become taxing, and why is there pain and fighting, and tension and bickering? How could something so precious become so bad??? Let me tell you why that has happened:
We took God’s precious gift and decided to rely on our own strength. We stopped going to God for guidance. We stopped looking to Him for wisdom and started relying on our own intelligence.
Let us get back to God. He can restore your broken relationships.

God wants to be involved in our relationships. Let Him guide your relationships and watch how He will be glorified…

Rolain

Relationships From A Friend’s Point of View……


 

Relationships!! When I say that I mean between a man and a woman. How do we carry ourselves around each other? As a man I see how we need help and grace! We are to honour God in the relationships we have, we are to put Him first as well. This post is directed more towards the men because as men we are called to lead. We are the ones who called to be the head. As men we can be so clueless at times hence this post. So if you are in a relationship and you don’t have a clue about what you supposed to be doing then this is the post for you. If you are not yet in one then this will help as well.

These are the thoughts of one of my best friends. She was kind enough to let me share it because I think it will give you an idea into how to treat a woman but more than that it will teach you how to honour the women God has placed in your lives.  It will teach you to treat her the way God wants you to treat her. We live in a world where relationships are painted as some small thing but it’s not. God created relationships.  We need strong relationships in our lives to grow and as men it’s our responsibility to lead the way. Women need us to be strong to lead. They need us to lead them deeper into God but to do that you as a man have to know! How can you be that man if you are clueless??? So let us move on.

*please note that this is not how all women think. This is how my friend thinks but she is a woman but not just any woman but a wise woman so I think there is a lot we can learn as men from what she has shared!!!
I am going to highlight a few things from what I have read and if I see a need to expound more on a point I will.

THOUGHTS OF A WOMAN ON RELATIONSHIPS

– In any interaction with a lady you BOTH need to decide, are we bringing each other closer to God or further away, and this also is true if she is just a friend, God needs to be at the centre.

This is so true. She is so right about that. If God is not at the centre of your relationship you are in trouble. God needs to be the focus of your relationship. He is not second or third or fourth! He is first!!
Men, it is our job to initiate where the relationship is going. It is our responsibility to lead the relationship towards God. Do not wait for the woman to start the conversation. You lead her! I read a quote the other day that said, “The greatest thing a man can do to a woman is to lead her closer to God than to himself.

– Games are for the court, field or the computer not a relationship and that goes for a friend too! You playing games and trying to get a reaction out of her leaves room for miscommunication, misinterpretation and it proves you are secure.

– A lady’s heart is a precious jewel and should be treated as such.

– Women are emotional, get over it and get used to it, it does not make them weak. Emotions are human. It’s HOW she deals with her emotions that is important.

– Study her, but she is not a test to be passed or failed. Never stop learning about her.

– (I really like this one 🙂 ) Be aware that a lady is always thinking 5 steps ahead of you in regards to this relationship whether purely friendship or something deeper, she is ALWAYS thinking and quite possibly taking what you say out of context, women look at details and will analyse them so you need to know that what you say IS IMPORTANT even if you are “joking”.

– The pace and direction of any relationship is dependent on the man. You are the leader, take responsibility for that. If she ends up going in the direction of a serious relationship do not blame her, you lead her that way!!!
(that is a hard one men)

– Your word means something…keep it and if you have not, man up and tell her!

– The best thing that you can do is be honest with her.

– You have no business  telling a lady how you feel about her if you are not prepared to act on those feelings.

I think I will stop there. I have given you a lot to think about. Relationships are so important. We need to guard the relationships we have. I hope your eyes have been opened but just beside been opened I hope you have been enlightened!!!
This is just a little of what I have been given but the bit I have shared should help you. Let us learn to honour God in the relatonships we have with each other!

Rolain.P

Singleness bad, Marriage good???


 

 

I was so encouraged today as I was reading my Bible. The topic of singleness has been on my mind this past week. We really don’t give it the credit it deserves. So in this post I am going to try to put it back into perspective. There is always this perception among singles about marriage. We can’t wait to get married. We think that marriage is better than singleness but is it?

Paul says in 1 Corinth 7:7 “God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others.

Another scripture to look at is in 1 Corinth 7; 38, 39

The point is this, singleness is a gift from God and marriage is a gift from God. One is not more important than the other. We need both things to be all God has called us to be.

But this is the other thing, are you being faithful in the season of singleness? Are you doing all you are supposed to be doing or are you distracted because you are dreaming about marriage???

Your season of marriage will come and it will be amazing and it will have it’s fair share of tests but while you single  God has some very important things for you to do. Don’t take them lightly. What you do now in your singleness will greatly affect your success in the next season of your life, marriage.

Listen to what Paul says in 1 Corinth 7; 17 – And don’t be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God’s place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life.

Wow, wow, wow!! I love that. Where you are right now is God’s place for you!! Don’t despise where you are. This applies to every other area of your life. God wants you to trust Him where you are right now.. Don’t wait till you get married to get blessed or to do great things. Start right now in your singleness. There are things that God wants you to do now that you won’t be able to do when you married.

God, not your marital status, defines your life!

As I end I would like to leave this question with you. Are you being faithful with the gift of singleness and marriage?

Rolain