Oh no….I lost the ‘list’!!!


You don’t know what you want” were the words ringing in my ears after speaking to a friend this past week. The words were a bit harsh but he was right. We were talking about relationships and the challenges I was facing finding the One. Have you written your “list” he asked? Off course I did. I wrote the “list” a long time ago.

“The list, for those that don’t know is when a single man or woman writes about the attributes and character of the man or woman they want. It’s a very specific list of things you want.  (Is she tall, short, athletic, adventurous, is he funny, caring and so on?)”

But as I recited to him the things on my list something shocking happened……..There were things I wasn’t sure about anymore!! I was undecided…..! I began to panic, what was I going to do? Was I double minded because if I was the word says, “a double man is unstable in all his ways and he can expect nothing from God”!

But upon further thought I realized why I was unsure. As I have matured and grown in the Lord and met and interacted with a lot of women there are things I have come to appreciate that I never did when I was younger. Upon further thought I came to another conclusion:

If the woman I wrote about all those years ago has changed doesn’t that mean the woman I write about now is going to change as I continue maturing? To take it even further, does it mean its pointless even compiling a list when I don’t even know myself that well?? A list is important, this I understand. It is so important to have an idea of what you want. This is one area where you cannot be clueless! But this is my point; the “list” can’t be all we go by. The “list” is flawed because we as humans are flawed. Only God knows what you really need! It’s okay to have a guide line for what you want. That guide line is the “list” but don’t let it be your final measuring line!

So here I am with an idea of what I want. It is very detailed but at the same time it’s not. There are things I can’t come to a final conclusion about but I am trusting the God who knows me better than anyone else in this world. I don’t have to worry about an incomplete list because God the One who created my wife will bring her to me and she will be everything I expect and even more. I pray she is not exactly as I picture her because that means God has succumbed to my low and flawed view of the “one”! I pray that is not the case. I want the woman He has for me, not the one I have created for myself!

Rolain.

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The truth about the Proverbs 31 woman…..!


The title might be a bit much but I thought it would be really fitting for what I am about to write….
As men we have been told about the Proverbs 31 woman. Every Christian single man wants her. He prays for her.
Ladies, you may think you know Proverbs 31 but what you know cannot be matched with what we as men know about Proverbs 31. We sleep Proverbs 31, drink it, meditate on it, dream about it and so on and so on!
By now you must be thinking to yourself, common Rolain, let’s be serious please!   🙂
OK, let’s be serious. We may not drink it, and meditate on it as much as I say or dream about it but the fact remains, it is important to us. We want a Proverbs 31 woman. Ladies, you have been told to be a Proverbs 31 woman but what does that mean? We read stuff like this and are in awe… :

– A capable, intelligent, and virtuous woman – who is he who can find her? She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies or pearls. Proverbs 31:10

– She girds herself with strength [spiritual, mental, and physical fitness for her God-given task] and makes her arms strong and firm. Proverbs 31: 17

– She looks well to how things go in her household, and the bread of idleness (gossip, discontent, and self-pity) she will not eat. Proverbs 31:27

As men we read this and develop this crazy idea that you are perfect!!! I don’t say this in a derogative way. For years I has this perfect image of a Proverbs 31 woman.    My wife will be flawless I thought to my self. She will be perfect……But is that what it means to be a Proverbs 31 woman??
Ladies, this goes the other way as well. If my wife is expecting someone perfect then she is going to be seriously dissapointed!
I am human and I am trusting God to guide me in righteousness everyday. I lean on His mercy and grace everyday! I sin everyday! Does that mean I am not Mr Right???
Does being a Proverbs 31 woman mean perfection and flawlessness??? After all, Proverbs 31 doesn’t mention anything about her struggles with sin and failings or so we think! It doesn’t mention her having any battles so we think. We don’t see her in a confused state and we don’t see her struggling with fears so we conclude she is perfect! But that is not the picture Proverbs 31 paints. It paints a picture of a woman racked with sin who puts God first!! Don’t hide your imperfections. Men, don’t hide you faults. Our job is to put Him first. He should be the One you praise and direct the glory to.

But the truth is this. The Proverbs 31 woman is not perfect. Her trust is in God daily. She falls and makes mistakes. Ladies, Mr Right is in the same boat. He is flawed more than you know. Sin has left its mark! Don’t look for perfection. Expecting perfection from a person is impossible. They will never be perfect in this life. So if that is the case, what are we to look for in Mr Right and The Proverbs 31 woman? The end of Proverbs 31 puts it nicely:

Charm and grace are deceptive, and beauty is vain [because it is not lasting], but a woman who reverently and worshipfully fears The Lord, she shall be praised!   Proverbs 31:30

This is what makes the Proverbs 31 woman a Proverbs 31 woman. Her strength is in God. Her confidence is in God. She is not perfect but she has a relationship with a perfect God! Mr Right has flaws. He doesn’t try to hide them and paint a false picture of who is. He shouldn’t! His trust is in God. This is what defines them, their relationship with God. We are all a work in progress. So as I end, men, we need to go into a relationship with the right image. You are flawed but so is the woman God has for you. She is not perfect and the same goes for you too…..Let us depend on God to help us in our relationships!
God bless…..

Rolain.