Learning a few important things in my season of singleness!


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There are a lot of single people out there who are anxious,

depressed, fearful and a whole lot of other things about their

singleness.

And there are a lot of single people who are not maximizing their

season of singleness but I want to address that today. As a single

person myself I know the struggle. There is so much we go

through but I want to tell you there is more…..

Singleness is not meant to be wasted on worrying about who

we are going to marry. There is so much more to singleness

than that. God knows who you will marry. You can trust Him

friends. He has got this!

 

If singleness is not supposed to be spent worrying about who we

are to marry then what is it for??

After all, singleness like marriage was created by God.

 

Singleness is a great time to work on you!

Don’t wait till you get married to work on yourself. Start now!

 

Have you got a vision for your life?

Is your relationship with God where you want it to be be?

Are you living a life of purity in thought and deed?

 

Do you have a vision for your life?

If not, this is the time to seek the Lord.

Men, this falls on you more because one day you will lead your

family. How can you lead if you have no vision for your life?

Having a vision for your life is not a one day gig. It takes time,

it takes patience, it takes being faithful with what God has put

in your hands, it takes faith, it takes getting on your knees

and seeking the Lord, it takes sacrifice.

 

How can we paint singleness as this boring stale season when

there is so much to learn, so much potential to grow, so much

discovering! Everything that comes from God is good so how can

singleness be bad??

 

Singleness has its challenges but so does marriage.

 

Is your relationship with God where you want it to be? 

Seek the Lord with everything within you in your singleness!

Chase after God when you single! Seek Him, pursue Him!

This is the time you discover who you are in God.

Your identity and worth should be in God alone and not a man or

woman.

A man dear sister will not complete you.

A woman dear brother will not complete you.

God is the only one that makes you whole. He is the one

who will complete you.

In your singleness learn this truth.

Rely on the Lord, run to Him, trust Him!

 

Are you living a life of purity in thought and deed?

What a challenge this is. But it’s a challenge to accept!

The world has made it crystal clear that there is no place

in it for purity!

It’s no longer honorable to be a virgin

People look at you funny if you haven’t dated

If you are dating it’s not cool to be with one person!

Kiss whoever you want, have sex with whoever you want, watch

whatever you want, think however you want, it’s

cool says the world. Do what you feel, it’s your life!

 

But that’s not God’s standard. He says if we even think

lustfully, we have sinned.

As He is is holy we must be holy. (He wasn’t suggesting, He was

commanding!)

Treat the young girls like your sisters and the older women

like your mothers!

The standard is high friends!

Like vision, living a life of purity is not a one day gig.

It is a life time thing.

It’s never too late to live a life of purity. When you fall keep

getting back up. I will admit the fight has become more intense,

more brutal. But we have to keep fighting to live a pure life.

I have fallen numerous times but I keep getting up.

Let’s live a life of purity in our singleness.

 

By now, I hope you are beginning to see how important your

season of singleness is.

It’s an exciting time of discovering who you are in God,

hearing from God, engaging the enemy, learning

new things.

Life doesn’t start when you get married, it starts now when

you are single.

 

We need God in our singleness. We need God in our marriages!

We need God period!

 

You have a decision to make for those of you who are

single.

You can make a decision to have the best time of your life

in your singleness or you can remain worried and stressed about

something God has already dealt with. He has got this!

He knows exactly who you are going to marry.

Bring your anxiety to Him. Let Him carry your burdens.

There is so much more we need to be doing now in this

season!

What will you decide??

God bless you friends

 

Rolain

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Singleness and its challanges…..!


“And her [promised] husband, being a just and upright 

man and not willing to expose her publicily and to shame

her, decided to repudiate and dismiss (divorce) her quietly

and secretly.

But as he was thinking this over, behold, an angel of the Lord

appeared to him in a dream, saying, Joseph, descendant of

David, do not be afraid to take Mary [as] your wife, for

that which is conceived in her is of (from, out of) the Holy

Spirit.

Matthew 1:19, 20

 

I love this passage of scripture. It challenges me so much as

a man. Joseph could of easily exposed Mary. It would of

been okay but he didn’t. He could of made her pay but

instead he decided to put her away quietly, secretly!

He didn’t know she was

pregnant through the power of the Holy Spirit and

yet he sought to protect her!! In my eyes, Joseph is

THE man! What he did inspires and encourages me.

I could go and on but that is not why I shared his story

with you.

 

It’s been quite a week I must say. There have been things that

have happened this week that have made me think about

singleness more than usual.

For the record, I am at peace in my singleness. I decided

some time ago I would wait, really wait! God spoke to me

about how important this season is and if you would like

to read what He showed me then please click here.

 

Like I said before, this week, actually this past month has

been hectic. It started with a couple I met at a church

social. In short, the husband didn’t understand why I was

still single and actually suggested I wanted to get married

at fifty!! He then proceeded to try and hook me up with

a girl, not a specific girl but any girl. (you should of seen

the look on my face…haha) I was shocked!

 

That incident rattled me I must admit. I doubted if

I was doing the right thing – waiting!

I doubted if I really heard from God.

Is my head in the clouds?

Does God really have someone for me?

Those are the kind of thoughts I was dealing with.

A lot of people I know have been either getting engaged,

dating, or married. So you can imagine, I was not in a good

place!

 

It took a long time to get to a place of complete

trust in God for my wife. In the post I linked above I talked

about how I believed God was orchestrating my love story.

I was content with that. I was at peace that God was orchestrating

my love story. He was orchestrating the most amazing story not

because of anything I had done (not on the basis of never sleeping

with any girl or dating) but because He loved me. The reason He

would bless me with a wife was because He is good. All my

efforts to stay “pure” were rags in His eyes! They didn’t impress

Him and He was calling me to trust Him completely. He was

calling me to give Him this area of my life completely and I did.

It had been hard or so I thought, that was until the married

man I told you about said all those things.

 

After that I doubted everything God had promised me. As

friends were getting married and so on that doubt grew bigger

and bigger.

I even almost considered settling……

It was bad friends……yes, it WAS bad because God renewed

my faith this week. He showed me something in His word

that gave me hope again! I would like to share what He showed

me.

I shared Joseph’s story because there is a truth I want you to

see.

 

God was the integral part of Joseph and Mary’s union. On his own

Joseph would of left Mary but God intervened. He was involved,

He was directing his path……

There are many more examples in scripture where we see

God directing the affairs of men concerning who they were

to marry!

 

Remember Isaac and Rebekah. God led Abraham’s servant

right to Rebekah who was the daughter of Bethuel who was

Abraham’s relative (He was either a brother or nephew. I

am not too sure)!!!!

(read Genesis 24)

But this is the point, God was directly involved. He was not

idly sitting by watching Abraham’s servant. He was directing

him in his every step!

When it comes to our lives, that is what

He is doing. He is not idly sitting with crossed fingers hoping

we make the right choices. He is orchestrating things in our

lives but we have to let Him have His way.

And that’s what I did. I renewed my decision to wait on Him.

Things will come and rock my faith but I will keep on trusting.

 

If you are waiting on God for the person He has for you

know that He  can be trusted. He will not let you down.

People can talk, and let them. Your faith is in God and He

cares deeply for you.

It may seem like nothing is happening and time is going but

God WILL come through.

He is the One who is orchestrating your love story and

what a story He is orchestrating!

He can be trusted!

Blessings to you friends…..

 

Rolain

 

photo credit: Google images


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What Valentine’s Day and fine china have in common……..


Today is Valentines Day and love is in the air. If you are single then

not so much….haha

But I am a bit disturbed. Fifty shades of Grey was released this

weekend. I am disturbed at the amount of publicity this movie

has generated. This is not a post about what’s wrong with the movie,

because there is too much on that topic.

 

I have noticed how the world is trying to define what love is, what

intimacy is, what connection is! Young people are going in their

droves to watch what the world has to say about relationships,

intimacy and love!!

 

I don’t know about you but that doesn’t sit too well with me. I am

not up for the world shaping my view about love, intimacy,

and relationships! I want God to do that. I want godly men and women

to show us the way, to teach us! I will do my part teaching the truth,

and repacing the lies the enemy is selling us! Because when it comes

to love, and intimacy the enemy doesn’t know anything! What the

enemy knows is how to pervert a good thing!

 

Can you believe that was the introduction??!!  😁

Lets move on…..

 

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with

your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner

and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing

will hinder your prayers.  1 Peter 3:7

 

I have been reading a book titled “Hero” by Fred Stoeker.

I shared some very intersting thoughts he had on the 1 Peter 3:7

on Instagram. Being it Valentines Day I thought it would be

appropriate to go over some of those points for those of you

who never got the chance to read them, so here goes!

 

In in the original Greek language, the term for “weaker partner”

can also be translated “fine china” which I think is a better

translation in this context.

How would you handle fine china? With respect as you tenderly

appreciate its finest points. You don’t slam fine china around

or put it through the blast of the dishwasher.

– end of statement –

 

Fine china….

I like that. Let me talk to the men for a little bit…..What would our

relationships look like if as men we treated the women in our lives

as fine china and not some bust up, rusty tin can??

Rusty bust up tin cans are thrown around, and disgarded!

They are not treated with any respect.

Rusty bust up tin cans are treated as COMMON!

Rusty and bust up

This Valentines Day I would like you to think about your relationship.

Are you honoring God in your relationships? Are you treating the

women in your life like fine china or a rusty busted up tin can?

Honor God by honoring the women in your life by treating

them like fine china. I am not saying it’s easy, I am not saying

it’s a walk in the park. What I am saying is we need to honor God

by honoring the women in our lives! On that note I will

sign off….Happy Valentines Day and remember, somewhere out

there a duck is looking your way……😁😁

 

Rolain

 

 

 

 

Staying pure in your singleness!


I have been reading a book called “Hero” written by Fred Stoeker. It has been a Godsend. It has really challenged me concerning my purity! This is not a review of the book. I want to encourage you to read it if you are single especially if you are a man! It is up there with books like “Boy meets girl”, and “I kissed dating goodbye” by Joshua Harris. (I am biased towards Joshua Harris because I am still to find a book on dating I have enjoyed as much as his books!)

But this is why I am writing this post, because I HAVE found a book that is as good as or even better than the books I have read! As I read “Hero” purity was and is on my mind. Do we really understand what purity is in the context of life and relationships??

The first thought that came to mind was singleness. What is God’s purpose for singleness? Why does He allow us to go through a season of singleness? Singleness is not a time of nothing! It is not the “trailer before the movie”! God has specific purposes and plans for us in our season of singleness! After reading “Hero” I am convinced one of those purposes is to understand what purity is and walk in that understanding!

After reading “Hero” I made a decision:

I will fight for my sexual purity with all that I have! I will not allow the enemy to take it away through his deception and lies! It is my responsibility as a man to take up my sword and fight for my purity! It’s a gift from God which honors Him and will bless my wife! I will not wait for someone else down the line in my family who is more disciplined and who loves God more to fight this fight because I am weak! It stops here….. I will fight for the future generations! I am the one God has called to fight this giant and strike down with His help of course!

Purity is more than abstaining from sex before you get married! Let me show you what I think it is now:

  1. It is about watching what you watch! Stop watching those illicit movies! Pornography has to go! What are you watching?

I DICTATED a covenant (an agreement) to my eyes; how then could I look [lustfully] upon a girl? Job 31:1

Job had to make a covenant with his eyes so he could stay pure and we need to do the same! When it comes to purity we can’t play games! It’s a war against anything and everything that will threaten it.

 

  1. For the weapons of our warfare are not physical [weapons of flesh and blood], but they are mighty before God for the overthrow and destruction of strongholds, [inasmuch as we] refute arguments and theories and reasoning’s and every proud and lofty thing that sets itself up against the [true] knowledge of God; and we lead every thought and purpose away captive into the obedience of Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One).  2 Corinthians 10:4-5

Being able to control your thoughts is what purity is all about. After reading “Hero” I realized I had mindsets and thoughts I had adopted from the media which were wrong and not biblical. They had to be torn down and that process is still happening! Bring thoughts that have exalted themselves against Christ.

 

  1. I have addressed what you should do with your eyes and your mind. Purity means making a covenant with your eyes by watching what you watch. It is being careful what you think about. Every thought must be brought captive to the obedience of Christ. The next thing is watching what you say.

A man’s [moral] self shall be filled with the fruit of his mouth; and with the consequences of his words he must be satisfied [whether good or evil]. Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they who indulge in it shall eat the fruit of it [for death or life] Proverbs 18:20-21

Put away from you false and dishonest speech, and willful and contrary talk put far from you. Proverbs 4:24

What’s the point if you have decided to watch what you watch and watch what enters your mind when you have a filthy mouth so to speak? It doesn’t add up. Life and death are in the power of the tongue so are you using it to give life or are you killing with that tongue of yours???? Being pure means being able to control how you speak, it means dispensing life with your words!

 

This is the final point:

Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard, for out of it flows the springs of life. Proverbs 4:23

Guard your heart with all that you have! If your heart gets corrupted you will find yourself in a whole heap of trouble! How do you guard your heart?

You guard it by analyzing everything you allow. Everything should be tested. Don’t believe everything, don’t listen to everyone, measure everything according to the word of God! Is the heart pure?? I don’t know! But the one thing we can do is guard it.

 

It looks like there is a lot of work to do in the season of singleness!  It’s an important season of your life. Use the time you have wisely! You won’t be single forever. That is what I think purity is now and that is all thanks to “Hero” the book I read. As I read it purity began to become clear to me! It was then that it dawned on me we have a lot of work to do in our singleness! I hope you will get a copy of the book if you haven’t read it. With that said, please have a great weekend!

Rolain

Oh no….I lost the ‘list’!!!


You don’t know what you want” were the words ringing in my ears after speaking to a friend this past week. The words were a bit harsh but he was right. We were talking about relationships and the challenges I was facing finding the One. Have you written your “list” he asked? Off course I did. I wrote the “list” a long time ago.

“The list, for those that don’t know is when a single man or woman writes about the attributes and character of the man or woman they want. It’s a very specific list of things you want.  (Is she tall, short, athletic, adventurous, is he funny, caring and so on?)”

But as I recited to him the things on my list something shocking happened……..There were things I wasn’t sure about anymore!! I was undecided…..! I began to panic, what was I going to do? Was I double minded because if I was the word says, “a double man is unstable in all his ways and he can expect nothing from God”!

But upon further thought I realized why I was unsure. As I have matured and grown in the Lord and met and interacted with a lot of women there are things I have come to appreciate that I never did when I was younger. Upon further thought I came to another conclusion:

If the woman I wrote about all those years ago has changed doesn’t that mean the woman I write about now is going to change as I continue maturing? To take it even further, does it mean its pointless even compiling a list when I don’t even know myself that well?? A list is important, this I understand. It is so important to have an idea of what you want. This is one area where you cannot be clueless! But this is my point; the “list” can’t be all we go by. The “list” is flawed because we as humans are flawed. Only God knows what you really need! It’s okay to have a guide line for what you want. That guide line is the “list” but don’t let it be your final measuring line!

So here I am with an idea of what I want. It is very detailed but at the same time it’s not. There are things I can’t come to a final conclusion about but I am trusting the God who knows me better than anyone else in this world. I don’t have to worry about an incomplete list because God the One who created my wife will bring her to me and she will be everything I expect and even more. I pray she is not exactly as I picture her because that means God has succumbed to my low and flawed view of the “one”! I pray that is not the case. I want the woman He has for me, not the one I have created for myself!

Rolain.

So you want to date…..?


I had the amazing opportunity of being one of the best men at a friend’s wedding.I have been to weddings before but have never been this closely involved before. Being this close made me realise a few important things. As my friend and his wife exchanged their vows I realized a covenant was being made. A covenant is something we don’t take lightly at all. God is a God of covenant and marriage is a covenant.

The other thing I realized was how there is so much pressure to date. If I like someone I must date. If it doesn’t work out it doesn’t work out. But dating is so much more. The end goal of dating should be marriage. When we go into dating we should be thinking if this is the person we could marry. Dating with no goal in mind is not really dating. If you have no intention whatsoever to marry the girl or guy  you are dating and you are dating because it’s just the thing to do then please stop. You will save the both of you a lot of heartache.

Dating is great if you understand marriage could be the end result. The whole process of dating is very focused because you have an end in mind, a goal. It may not work out and I understand that but don’t just date for the sake of dating. The person you are dating might be your husband or wife. If that is not what you want then stop.  Dating for the sake of dating just causes unnecessary pain. Do your partner a favor and stop right there.

Saying “I DO” doesn’t start on your wedding day. The process of saying those words begins when you start dating. Let us not take it lightly. Allow God to lead you in your relationships. Guard your heart and your partners heart by not getting into something you know that you know has no future. God will bring the right person at the right time! (I say that by faith….. ).    😉

Rolain

Purity and dating….What really matters here???


 

I had a thought the other day about my blog. I have rarely written anything

about dating. I have written a few posts here and there but nothing really substantial

about this very important piece of my life. It’s what I pray about constantly and talk to

God about. It’s an area I struggle trusting God in. If there is one thing I have

realized when it comes to finding the one, it’s we as people have no control over who we are to be with.

What I mean is God is the one directing us and guiding us in our relationships. He is involved

In the choosing process, it’s not just us. If it was up to me only I would of being married by now,

I would of chosen someone and that would have been that. But that is not the case for me. God has

really used this area of my life to teach me to trust in Him wholeheartedly! That is what I believe and

that is what I have experienced. This won’t apply to everyone. We are all unique and God works

differently in all our lives.

 

What is your point you might be asking??? Please bear with me a little longer. I am getting there….

 

I had a great week last week. It was great because God spoke to me about grace. I have always

known what grace is but last week was different. I got a whole new perspective on grace. But with

that perspective certain areas of my life were highlighted. The area of dating and relationships

was one of the areas that were highlighted in my life.

Let me explain. I have always prided myself in the values I have been taught concerning dating.

 

–         I have never dated in my life ever!

–         I have never kissed anyone passionately (That honor will go to my wife)!

–         I signed a covenant of chastity even.

 

 

There are others but this post is not about what my values are and getting the praise but about

what God showed me. These are the things that made me proud and even conceited. Because of the

values I had I thought I could dictate who I wanted. God, I want this kind of woman and she must

be that and and and………

I am so ashamed writing this because I was seriously misguided. This is not how God works.

One of the things I prided myself in...... But what matters is God's grace!

One of the things I prided myself in……
But what matters is God’s grace!

 

Last week He showed me how getting a wife was not because of all the things I had done,

and the high standards I had and the values I believed in but because of His grace!

It is because of His grace that I will find the One. It won’t be because of my intelligence and

how holy I appear to be and how together I try to be but it will be because of His grace!!!!

This is one area He will get the glory! He wants the glory in every aspect of our lives.

When I realized this I was dumbfounded. How could I have not seen this?

 

Please understand me here, keeping yourself pure and all those other decisions about purity

you have made or should make are important. But those things need to be done to glorify God.

I had that intension when I first started out but it changed some where. It became about me

some where down the line.I will meet the woman God has for me because of His grace. I won’t

have anything to add on and say to God “but it’s because I did this or that…..no!”

That is how amazing God’s grace is. His grace extends to every other area of our lives and not just in

our relationships.

 

Will you lean fully on His grace? Don’t rely on what you have done or what you can do and and and….

Rely on His grace!

 

Rolain

Overtaking to stop…???!!!!


A commuter omnibus….

There is a phenomenon that has baffled me for the longest time. The phenomenon is when a commuter (taxi) overtakes a car so it can immediately stop!!! I have always wondered at the rationale behind the action. It just doesn’t make sense. Why would you overtake to stop? Why doesn’t the driver just be patient and drive slowly until he gets to the place he wants to stop? I don’t know if he realizes it, but he is going to get to the place eventually….. By not being patient, he endangers himself and the passengers on board.

Then a thought occurred to me. A lot of people behave the exact same way in relationships!!!!! They get into a relationship and instead of taking it slow they speed and overtake only to stop abruptly! It’s crazy. Why people get into a relationship when they know they are not ready to commit is beyond me. That is called overtaking to stop when you talk about relationships. Take your time to get to know the person. It is worth your while to be patient in a relationship. Overtaking to stop causes a lot of damage to both parties.

Men, it is your responsibility to dictate the pace of the relationship. A woman’s heart is not to be meddled with or played with. If you are not ready to get into a serious relationship why are you driving? In fact why are you speeding? Slow down and even stop if you have to. Don’t start driving until you know it is time (I hope you know what I mean)!!!   🙂

Trust God in your relationships. God is in control.

Rolain

Is It Worth The Wait?


What a day it has been. One of our pastors got married at church today. It was a really big event. He was so happy. He had been waiting for this day a really long time. They were all happy! This just got me thinking.
Is it really worth it to wait for the one God has for me?
Is it worth the wait to abstain from sex before marriage?
Is it worth the wait to not play with someone elses feelings just for the sake it?
Is it worth the wait as I have made a decision to not kiss any girl before my wedding day?
Is it worth the wait as I fight the passions and desires that war within me?
Is it worth the wait as I decide to live a life of chastity?

After what I seen today, it is worth the wait. God is delighted when we wait on Him. The bride was crying as the groom read his vows. The groom was in another world and he did not need to use words to express it. I couldn’t help but see God’s goodness, and mercy, and love and favour as all of this was taking place. I could easily imagine Him jumping for joy because two people decided to trust in Him and do it the right way!

As I end I would like to say that the enemy has tried to destroy the institution of family for a long time. Has he won? It is up to us to make sure he doesn’t win. As we go about marriage the right way we gain ground. If you are dating, do it in a way that honours God. Men, only get into a relationship if you are serious about marrying her. It does not honour God when you play with someone elses feelings. If you don’t want to marry her then don’t lead her on.

Is it worth the wait? The answer is a big resounding YES!!!

Rolain.