Oh no….I lost the ‘list’!!!

“You don’t know what you want” were the words ringing in my ears after speaking to a friend this past week. The words were a bit harsh but he was right. We were talking about relationships and the challenges I was facing finding the One. Have you written your “list” he asked? Off course I did. I wrote the “list” a long time ago.

“The list, for those that don’t know is when a single man or woman writes about the attributes and character of the man or woman they want. It’s a very specific list of things you want.  (Is she tall, short, athletic, adventurous, is he funny, caring and so on?)”

But as I recited to him the things on my list something shocking happened……..There were things I wasn’t sure about anymore!! I was undecided…..! I began to panic, what was I going to do? Was I double minded because if I was the word says, “a double man is unstable in all his ways and he can expect nothing from God”!

But upon further thought I realized why I was unsure. As I have matured and grown in the Lord and met and interacted with a lot of women there are things I have come to appreciate that I never did when I was younger. Upon further thought I came to another conclusion:

If the woman I wrote about all those years ago has changed doesn’t that mean the woman I write about now is going to change as I continue maturing? To take it even further, does it mean its pointless even compiling a list when I don’t even know myself that well?? A list is important, this I understand. It is so important to have an idea of what you want. This is one area where you cannot be clueless! But this is my point; the “list” can’t be all we go by. The “list” is flawed because we as humans are flawed. Only God knows what you really need! It’s okay to have a guide line for what you want. That guide line is the “list” but don’t let it be your final measuring line!

So here I am with an idea of what I want. It is very detailed but at the same time it’s not. There are things I can’t come to a final conclusion about but I am trusting the God who knows me better than anyone else in this world. I don’t have to worry about an incomplete list because God the One who created my wife will bring her to me and she will be everything I expect and even more. I pray she is not exactly as I picture her because that means God has succumbed to my low and flawed view of the “one”! I pray that is not the case. I want the woman He has for me, not the one I have created for myself!

Rolain.

So you want to date…..?

I had the amazing opportunity of being one of the best men at a friend’s wedding.I have been to weddings before but have never been this closely involved before. Being this close made me realise a few important things. As my friend and his wife exchanged their vows I realized a covenant was being made. A covenant is something we don’t take lightly at all. God is a God of covenant and marriage is a covenant.

The other thing I realized was how there is so much pressure to date. If I like someone I must date. If it doesn’t work out it doesn’t work out. But dating is so much more. The end goal of dating should be marriage. When we go into dating we should be thinking if this is the person we could marry. Dating with no goal in mind is not really dating. If you have no intention whatsoever to marry the girl or guy  you are dating and you are dating because it’s just the thing to do then please stop. You will save the both of you a lot of heartache.

Dating is great if you understand marriage could be the end result. The whole process of dating is very focused because you have an end in mind, a goal. It may not work out and I understand that but don’t just date for the sake of dating. The person you are dating might be your husband or wife. If that is not what you want then stop.  Dating for the sake of dating just causes unnecessary pain. Do your partner a favor and stop right there.

Saying “I DO” doesn’t start on your wedding day. The process of saying those words begins when you start dating. Let us not take it lightly. Allow God to lead you in your relationships. Guard your heart and your partners heart by not getting into something you know that you know has no future. God will bring the right person at the right time! (I say that by faith….. ).    😉

Rolain

The truth about the Proverbs 31 woman…..!

The title might be a bit much but I thought it would be really fitting for what I am about to write….
As men we have been told about the Proverbs 31 woman. Every Christian single man wants her. He prays for her.
Ladies, you may think you know Proverbs 31 but what you know cannot be matched with what we as men know about Proverbs 31. We sleep Proverbs 31, drink it, meditate on it, dream about it and so on and so on!
By now you must be thinking to yourself, common Rolain, let’s be serious please!   🙂
OK, let’s be serious. We may not drink it, and meditate on it as much as I say or dream about it but the fact remains, it is important to us. We want a Proverbs 31 woman. Ladies, you have been told to be a Proverbs 31 woman but what does that mean? We read stuff like this and are in awe… :

– A capable, intelligent, and virtuous woman – who is he who can find her? She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies or pearls. Proverbs 31:10

– She girds herself with strength [spiritual, mental, and physical fitness for her God-given task] and makes her arms strong and firm. Proverbs 31: 17

– She looks well to how things go in her household, and the bread of idleness (gossip, discontent, and self-pity) she will not eat. Proverbs 31:27

As men we read this and develop this crazy idea that you are perfect!!! I don’t say this in a derogative way. For years I has this perfect image of a Proverbs 31 woman.    My wife will be flawless I thought to my self. She will be perfect……But is that what it means to be a Proverbs 31 woman??
Ladies, this goes the other way as well. If my wife is expecting someone perfect then she is going to be seriously dissapointed!
I am human and I am trusting God to guide me in righteousness everyday. I lean on His mercy and grace everyday! I sin everyday! Does that mean I am not Mr Right???
Does being a Proverbs 31 woman mean perfection and flawlessness??? After all, Proverbs 31 doesn’t mention anything about her struggles with sin and failings or so we think! It doesn’t mention her having any battles so we think. We don’t see her in a confused state and we don’t see her struggling with fears so we conclude she is perfect! But that is not the picture Proverbs 31 paints. It paints a picture of a woman racked with sin who puts God first!! Don’t hide your imperfections. Men, don’t hide you faults. Our job is to put Him first. He should be the One you praise and direct the glory to.

But the truth is this. The Proverbs 31 woman is not perfect. Her trust is in God daily. She falls and makes mistakes. Ladies, Mr Right is in the same boat. He is flawed more than you know. Sin has left its mark! Don’t look for perfection. Expecting perfection from a person is impossible. They will never be perfect in this life. So if that is the case, what are we to look for in Mr Right and The Proverbs 31 woman? The end of Proverbs 31 puts it nicely:

Charm and grace are deceptive, and beauty is vain [because it is not lasting], but a woman who reverently and worshipfully fears The Lord, she shall be praised!   Proverbs 31:30

This is what makes the Proverbs 31 woman a Proverbs 31 woman. Her strength is in God. Her confidence is in God. She is not perfect but she has a relationship with a perfect God! Mr Right has flaws. He doesn’t try to hide them and paint a false picture of who is. He shouldn’t! His trust is in God. This is what defines them, their relationship with God. We are all a work in progress. So as I end, men, we need to go into a relationship with the right image. You are flawed but so is the woman God has for you. She is not perfect and the same goes for you too…..Let us depend on God to help us in our relationships!
God bless…..

Rolain.

 

Purity and dating….What really matters here???

 

I had a thought the other day about my blog. I have rarely written anything

about dating. I have written a few posts here and there but nothing really substantial

about this very important piece of my life. It’s what I pray about constantly and talk to

God about. It’s an area I struggle trusting God in. If there is one thing I have

realized when it comes to finding the one, it’s we as people have no control over who we are to be with.

What I mean is God is the one directing us and guiding us in our relationships. He is involved

In the choosing process, it’s not just us. If it was up to me only I would of being married by now,

I would of chosen someone and that would have been that. But that is not the case for me. God has

really used this area of my life to teach me to trust in Him wholeheartedly! That is what I believe and

that is what I have experienced. This won’t apply to everyone. We are all unique and God works

differently in all our lives.

 

What is your point you might be asking??? Please bear with me a little longer. I am getting there….

 

I had a great week last week. It was great because God spoke to me about grace. I have always

known what grace is but last week was different. I got a whole new perspective on grace. But with

that perspective certain areas of my life were highlighted. The area of dating and relationships

was one of the areas that were highlighted in my life.

Let me explain. I have always prided myself in the values I have been taught concerning dating.

 

–         I have never dated in my life ever!

–         I have never kissed anyone passionately (That honor will go to my wife)!

–         I signed a covenant of chastity even.

 

 

There are others but this post is not about what my values are and getting the praise but about

what God showed me. These are the things that made me proud and even conceited. Because of the

values I had I thought I could dictate who I wanted. God, I want this kind of woman and she must

be that and and and………

I am so ashamed writing this because I was seriously misguided. This is not how God works.

One of the things I prided myself in……
But what matters is God’s grace!

 

Last week He showed me how getting a wife was not because of all the things I had done,

and the high standards I had and the values I believed in but because of His grace!

It is because of His grace that I will find the One. It won’t be because of my intelligence and

how holy I appear to be and how together I try to be but it will be because of His grace!!!!

This is one area He will get the glory! He wants the glory in every aspect of our lives.

When I realized this I was dumbfounded. How could I have not seen this?

 

Please understand me here, keeping yourself pure and all those other decisions about purity

you have made or should make are important. But those things need to be done to glorify God.

I had that intension when I first started out but it changed some where. It became about me

some where down the line.I will meet the woman God has for me because of His grace. I won’t

have anything to add on and say to God “but it’s because I did this or that…..no!”

That is how amazing God’s grace is. His grace extends to every other area of our lives and not just in

our relationships.

 

Will you lean fully on His grace? Don’t rely on what you have done or what you can do and and and….

Rely on His grace!

 

Rolain

Overtaking to stop…???!!!!

A commuter omnibus….

There is a phenomenon that has baffled me for the longest time. The phenomenon is when a commuter (taxi) overtakes a car so it can immediately stop!!! I have always wondered at the rationale behind the action. It just doesn’t make sense. Why would you overtake to stop? Why doesn’t the driver just be patient and drive slowly until he gets to the place he wants to stop? I don’t know if he realizes it, but he is going to get to the place eventually….. By not being patient, he endangers himself and the passengers on board.

Then a thought occurred to me. A lot of people behave the exact same way in relationships!!!!! They get into a relationship and instead of taking it slow they speed and overtake only to stop abruptly! It’s crazy. Why people get into a relationship when they know they are not ready to commit is beyond me. That is called overtaking to stop when you talk about relationships. Take your time to get to know the person. It is worth your while to be patient in a relationship. Overtaking to stop causes a lot of damage to both parties.

Men, it is your responsibility to dictate the pace of the relationship. A woman’s heart is not to be meddled with or played with. If you are not ready to get into a serious relationship why are you driving? In fact why are you speeding? Slow down and even stop if you have to. Don’t start driving until you know it is time (I hope you know what I mean)!!!   🙂

Trust God in your relationships. God is in control.

Rolain

What Is The Point Of Being Single?

I would like to talk about singleness. I would like to talk about it because I am single. I also understand that singleness is a season God has appointed. He created marriage but He also created singleness. Singleness is not something that just happens because nothing else is happening in your life. God actually created singleness for a reason. There are things He has for you in this season that you can only do in this season. There are things you won’t be able to do when you married that you can do now.

I am writing about singleness because I have a friend who finds himself in a place where all his close friends are courting. He is the only one who is single and for him it is a challenge. When he does something with his friends he is the odd one out. I can relate to him. I had felt like that a few times until God showed me that singleness was something to be taken seriously. A lot of people are in that same situation. But what can you do about it?
Searching for someone to date is not the answer but understanding that God has created singleness will help.
Don’t despise your season of singleness. Embrace your season of singleness. It is not a curse so don’t look at it like that.
There are specific things God wants to teach you and accomplish through you in this season. Please understand every season you go through in life has challenges. Singleness has its fair amount of challenges to overcome as well.

But be guaranteed that those challenges are preparing you for the next season of your life – marriage.
I can’t wait for the time I meet the One God has for me. It will be a glorious and magical time. A time that only God could create. But until then, I will learn and grow in my season of singleness. God created singleness then He created marriage. And everything He creates is GOOD!
God created Adam. When He created him, He gave him a job. He was to look after the garden. He also had to name the animals and for a season that was good.
But there came a time after that when God saw Adam and said it was not good for him to be alone.
“Now the Lord God said, It is not good (sufficent, satisfactory) that man should be alone; I will make him a helper meet (suitable, adapted, complementary) for him. Genesis 2:18

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and shall become united and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:24

Henceforth another season had been created – marriage.
But God didn’t create the season of marriage before singleness. Singleness came first.
In that season God gave him a job – “And the Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to tend and guard and keep it”. Genesis 2:15

Don’t despise your season of singleness. It is an amazing time that God has created for a purpose.
There are blessings in this season that you can’t get when you married.
Ask God to show you what He has for you in this season,
In this season called Singleness!

Rolain.P

What Is The Point Of Being Single?

I would like to talk about singleness. I would like to talk about it because I am single. I also understand that singleness is a season God has appointed. He created marriage but He also created singleness. Singleness is not something that just happens because nothing else is happening in your life. God actually created singleness for a reason. There are things He has for you in this season that you can only do in this season. There are things you won’t be able to do when you married that you can do now.

I am writing about singleness because I have a friend who finds himself in a place where all his close friends are courting. He is the only one who is single and for him it is a challenge. When he does something with his friends he is the odd one out. I can relate to him. I had felt like that a few times until God showed me that singleness was something to be taken seriously. A lot of people are in that same situation. But what can you do about it?
Searching for someone to date is not the answer but understanding that God has created singleness will help.
Don’t despise your season of singleness. Embrace your season of singleness. It is not a curse so don’t look at it like that.
There are specific things God wants to teach you and accomplish through you in this season. Please understand every season you go through in life has challenges. Singleness has its fair amount of challenges to overcome as well.

But be guaranteed that those challenges are preparing you for the next season of your life – marriage.
I can’t wait for the time I meet the One God has for me. It will be a glorious and magical time. A time that only God could create. But until then, I will learn and grow in my season of singleness. God created singleness then He created marriage. And everything He creates is GOOD!
God created Adam. When He created him, He gave him a job. He was to look after the garden. He also had to name the animals and for a season that was good.
But there came a time after that when God saw Adam and said it was not good for him to be alone.
“Now the Lord God said, It is not good (sufficent, satisfactory) that man should be alone; I will make him a helper meet (suitable, adapted, complementary) for him. Genesis 2:18

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and shall become united and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:24

Henceforth another season had been created – marriage.
But God didn’t create the season of marriage before singleness. Singleness came first.
In that season God gave him a job – “And the Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to tend and guard and keep it”. Genesis 2:15

Don’t despise your season of singleness. It is an amazing time that God has created for a purpose.
There are blessings in this season that you can’t get when you married.
Ask God to show you what He has for you in this season,
In this season called Singleness!

Rolain.P