Staying pure in your singleness!

I have been reading a book called “Hero” written by Fred Stoeker. It has been a Godsend. It has really challenged me concerning my purity! This is not a review of the book. I want to encourage you to read it if you are single especially if you are a man! It is up there with books like “Boy meets girl”, and “I kissed dating goodbye” by Joshua Harris. (I am biased towards Joshua Harris because I am still to find a book on dating I have enjoyed as much as his books!)

But this is why I am writing this post, because I HAVE found a book that is as good as or even better than the books I have read! As I read “Hero” purity was and is on my mind. Do we really understand what purity is in the context of life and relationships??

The first thought that came to mind was singleness. What is God’s purpose for singleness? Why does He allow us to go through a season of singleness? Singleness is not a time of nothing! It is not the “trailer before the movie”! God has specific purposes and plans for us in our season of singleness! After reading “Hero” I am convinced one of those purposes is to understand what purity is and walk in that understanding!

After reading “Hero” I made a decision:

I will fight for my sexual purity with all that I have! I will not allow the enemy to take it away through his deception and lies! It is my responsibility as a man to take up my sword and fight for my purity! It’s a gift from God which honors Him and will bless my wife! I will not wait for someone else down the line in my family who is more disciplined and who loves God more to fight this fight because I am weak! It stops here….. I will fight for the future generations! I am the one God has called to fight this giant and strike down with His help of course!

Purity is more than abstaining from sex before you get married! Let me show you what I think it is now:

  1. It is about watching what you watch! Stop watching those illicit movies! Pornography has to go! What are you watching?

I DICTATED a covenant (an agreement) to my eyes; how then could I look [lustfully] upon a girl? Job 31:1

Job had to make a covenant with his eyes so he could stay pure and we need to do the same! When it comes to purity we can’t play games! It’s a war against anything and everything that will threaten it.


  1. For the weapons of our warfare are not physical [weapons of flesh and blood], but they are mighty before God for the overthrow and destruction of strongholds, [inasmuch as we] refute arguments and theories and reasoning’s and every proud and lofty thing that sets itself up against the [true] knowledge of God; and we lead every thought and purpose away captive into the obedience of Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One).  2 Corinthians 10:4-5

Being able to control your thoughts is what purity is all about. After reading “Hero” I realized I had mindsets and thoughts I had adopted from the media which were wrong and not biblical. They had to be torn down and that process is still happening! Bring thoughts that have exalted themselves against Christ.


  1. I have addressed what you should do with your eyes and your mind. Purity means making a covenant with your eyes by watching what you watch. It is being careful what you think about. Every thought must be brought captive to the obedience of Christ. The next thing is watching what you say.

A man’s [moral] self shall be filled with the fruit of his mouth; and with the consequences of his words he must be satisfied [whether good or evil]. Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they who indulge in it shall eat the fruit of it [for death or life] Proverbs 18:20-21

Put away from you false and dishonest speech, and willful and contrary talk put far from you. Proverbs 4:24

What’s the point if you have decided to watch what you watch and watch what enters your mind when you have a filthy mouth so to speak? It doesn’t add up. Life and death are in the power of the tongue so are you using it to give life or are you killing with that tongue of yours???? Being pure means being able to control how you speak, it means dispensing life with your words!


This is the final point:

Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard, for out of it flows the springs of life. Proverbs 4:23

Guard your heart with all that you have! If your heart gets corrupted you will find yourself in a whole heap of trouble! How do you guard your heart?

You guard it by analyzing everything you allow. Everything should be tested. Don’t believe everything, don’t listen to everyone, measure everything according to the word of God! Is the heart pure?? I don’t know! But the one thing we can do is guard it.


It looks like there is a lot of work to do in the season of singleness!  It’s an important season of your life. Use the time you have wisely! You won’t be single forever. That is what I think purity is now and that is all thanks to “Hero” the book I read. As I read it purity began to become clear to me! It was then that it dawned on me we have a lot of work to do in our singleness! I hope you will get a copy of the book if you haven’t read it. With that said, please have a great weekend!


12 thoughts on “Staying pure in your singleness!

  1. Way to go Rolain! This goes for women, too. It might be more difficult for men since there’s a prevalence of “boys will be boys.” Keep up the good posts and you also, enjoy your week-end. .

  2. Hi Rolain,

    What a powerful post you have shared with us today on the significance of purity in singleness. on I read “Boy Meets Girl” by Joshua Harris this past summer, and I too was challenged to redouble my efforts in guarding my purity even as relationships come my way.

    I think you make a spot-on point about physical purity being connected to mental and spiritual purity. As we think, so do we act, and therefore by first cleansing our minds are we able to keep our bodies clean. This is such an essential lesson for us to remember, especially now in a world where relationships are treated just as casually as our bodies. You have greatly challenged and inspired me to defend my thoughts against anything impure!

    Thank you for reminding us of such an important commandment from God’s Word. I will be meditating thoroughly on what you have written today.

    In Christ Jesus,

    • Hi Katrina!
      “Boy meets girl” is an amazing book. I really love that book. I have read that book through the years…. I am glad to hear you have been challenged. The call is for us all! May we walk in complete purity! The world has distorted purity but we will not follow their ways. May God help us as we fight for our purity.
      Thank you for your contribution Katrina….. 🙂

  3. Hi Rolain! This is inspiring and motivating for us single and wanting to keep it pure for the Lord. What I have realized is that singleness is actually a gift and a season, its our mindset that determines how we sail in it. If we are consumed on when we will be out, we miss on what God wants to teach us. Thanks for sharing, may God bless you!

  4. Great post Rolain! Such a wise perspective, to see singleness as almost like a training ground for purity. So amazing what God teaches us in each season of our lives.

  5. Amen Rolain! We so often think of purity as being only physical when it can be mental and emotional and so much more. God’s Word says that if we even LUST after someone then we have already committed adultery in His eyes. It’s so important to watch, listen to, and be part of things that encourage us to become more Christ-like instead of more like the world in our lifestyle and faith so that we will remain pure not only in our single days, but in our married one’s as well!

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