Oh no….I lost the ‘list’!!!

You don’t know what you want” were the words ringing in my ears after speaking to a friend this past week. The words were a bit harsh but he was right. We were talking about relationships and the challenges I was facing finding the One. Have you written your “list” he asked? Off course I did. I wrote the “list” a long time ago.

“The list, for those that don’t know is when a single man or woman writes about the attributes and character of the man or woman they want. It’s a very specific list of things you want.  (Is she tall, short, athletic, adventurous, is he funny, caring and so on?)”

But as I recited to him the things on my list something shocking happened……..There were things I wasn’t sure about anymore!! I was undecided…..! I began to panic, what was I going to do? Was I double minded because if I was the word says, “a double man is unstable in all his ways and he can expect nothing from God”!

But upon further thought I realized why I was unsure. As I have matured and grown in the Lord and met and interacted with a lot of women there are things I have come to appreciate that I never did when I was younger. Upon further thought I came to another conclusion:

If the woman I wrote about all those years ago has changed doesn’t that mean the woman I write about now is going to change as I continue maturing? To take it even further, does it mean its pointless even compiling a list when I don’t even know myself that well?? A list is important, this I understand. It is so important to have an idea of what you want. This is one area where you cannot be clueless! But this is my point; the “list” can’t be all we go by. The “list” is flawed because we as humans are flawed. Only God knows what you really need! It’s okay to have a guide line for what you want. That guide line is the “list” but don’t let it be your final measuring line!

So here I am with an idea of what I want. It is very detailed but at the same time it’s not. There are things I can’t come to a final conclusion about but I am trusting the God who knows me better than anyone else in this world. I don’t have to worry about an incomplete list because God the One who created my wife will bring her to me and she will be everything I expect and even more. I pray she is not exactly as I picture her because that means God has succumbed to my low and flawed view of the “one”! I pray that is not the case. I want the woman He has for me, not the one I have created for myself!


10 thoughts on “Oh no….I lost the ‘list’!!!

  1. Throw your lists away, Rolain, refocus on what He wants you doing right now, and go about your day. God will drop whomever He knows is best for you right in your lap when you least expect it. “Be anxious about nothing.” 🙂 Have a blessed day.

    • Thank you for your STRONG word Sue….haha
      After hearing what you said I realized this is all a faith thing! God knows who He has for me so that should be enough for me! I will listen and refocus on the things God has for me to do……God bless you Sue.


      • Sorry that came across as STRONG. It’s been my experience that the enemy will use whatever means to divert our attention from doing what the Lord wants us to be doing. I’ve noticed you’ve posted a few posts about wanting a wife and that’s perfect for the enemy to use, if that’s what’s going on. I chose my 1st husband – HUGE mistake. The Lord brought me my 2nd husband and at a time when I was not wanting to get married – HUGE blessing. It is most definitely a faith thing. He’s looking out for you. Blessings Rolain.

      • I appreciate the STRONG word Sue! Definitely needed. And thank you for the warning! I have to admit it’s a constant battle. But I will do all I can to keep my attention on God. He can be trusted…….thanks again Sue for the words of wisdom and frankness. I give God control of that area now.

  2. “The “list” is flawed because we as humans are flawed. Only God knows what you really need” Amen!

    I threw my “list” away years ago (it was more of a mental one than a written one) but the idea is the same. In the end, God knows exactly what qualities are needed in a person that will best fit us and sometimes it may be ones we wouldn’t have even though twice about! I’m feeling pretty good about not knowing exactly what I want in my future husband and having a check list to check off when I do meet someone. God knows exactly what I need and I don’t want to get in my own of not seeing someone as a possibility just because they don’t meet all my “standards”. Great post and good luck in the searching, I’m sure she’ll come around someday!! (And the waiting for me) 😉 lol (It’s quite a fun season, eh?) Be blessed!!

    • Hi Anna
      I grew up with all these misconceptions about the list but after reading your reply and that of others I realized how the list does the exact opposite of what you intend. It narrows the picture of the one God has for you instead of making it bigger. I see now that finding the one God has for you depends on faith! And after thinking about all that has been said I can honestly say this is the way I want it. I want God to blow me away, surprise me with the woman He has for me…..
      You are so right about this being a fun season. Fun because now I know as I trust God He has someone amazing in store and I don’t have to say it was because I had written a list….
      I know that I know God has someone really amazing for you and you are already on the right track!!!
      Thanks for the insights you shared Anna… God bless


  3. Just don’t settle for less brother. Desire for God’s best. He will give you a wife at the right time at the right moment in the right place, but as you wait, get intimate with God. Be more in love with Him and serve Him. God is never late to fulfill His promises 🙂

    • Thank you for your advise!! As I wait, I need to get more of God, get more intimate and know Him more! I will do just that. Everyone’s advise your’s included has really helped me to understand what is going on and what I am to do….and the word that is consistent throughout is trust. I need to trust Him which I will do now! Thanks

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