Purity and dating….What really matters here???


I had a thought the other day about my blog. I have rarely written anything

about dating. I have written a few posts here and there but nothing really substantial

about this very important piece of my life. It’s what I pray about constantly and talk to

God about. It’s an area I struggle trusting God in. If there is one thing I have

realized when it comes to finding the one, it’s we as people have no control over who we are to be with.

What I mean is God is the one directing us and guiding us in our relationships. He is involved

In the choosing process, it’s not just us. If it was up to me only I would of being married by now,

I would of chosen someone and that would have been that. But that is not the case for me. God has

really used this area of my life to teach me to trust in Him wholeheartedly! That is what I believe and

that is what I have experienced. This won’t apply to everyone. We are all unique and God works

differently in all our lives.


What is your point you might be asking??? Please bear with me a little longer. I am getting there….


I had a great week last week. It was great because God spoke to me about grace. I have always

known what grace is but last week was different. I got a whole new perspective on grace. But with

that perspective certain areas of my life were highlighted. The area of dating and relationships

was one of the areas that were highlighted in my life.

Let me explain. I have always prided myself in the values I have been taught concerning dating.


–         I have never dated in my life ever!

–         I have never kissed anyone passionately (That honor will go to my wife)!

–         I signed a covenant of chastity even.



There are others but this post is not about what my values are and getting the praise but about

what God showed me. These are the things that made me proud and even conceited. Because of the

values I had I thought I could dictate who I wanted. God, I want this kind of woman and she must

be that and and and………

I am so ashamed writing this because I was seriously misguided. This is not how God works.

One of the things I prided myself in...... But what matters is God's grace!

One of the things I prided myself in……
But what matters is God’s grace!


Last week He showed me how getting a wife was not because of all the things I had done,

and the high standards I had and the values I believed in but because of His grace!

It is because of His grace that I will find the One. It won’t be because of my intelligence and

how holy I appear to be and how together I try to be but it will be because of His grace!!!!

This is one area He will get the glory! He wants the glory in every aspect of our lives.

When I realized this I was dumbfounded. How could I have not seen this?


Please understand me here, keeping yourself pure and all those other decisions about purity

you have made or should make are important. But those things need to be done to glorify God.

I had that intension when I first started out but it changed some where. It became about me

some where down the line.I will meet the woman God has for me because of His grace. I won’t

have anything to add on and say to God “but it’s because I did this or that…..no!”

That is how amazing God’s grace is. His grace extends to every other area of our lives and not just in

our relationships.


Will you lean fully on His grace? Don’t rely on what you have done or what you can do and and and….

Rely on His grace!



23 thoughts on “Purity and dating….What really matters here???

    • Thanks Kelly.
      It is hard but God is faithful! I like that…
      It definitely is one of the hardest areas to trust God in. I have really struggled at times trying to figure out why it was so hard. But you are right, He is faithful!

    • Hi Christa!
      Thank you for sharing that. I am definitely encouraged. I am 32 this year but trusting God. It gets really hard at times though! Really hard….
      How did you do it? What were some of the things that went through your mind?

      I think we need more people who will be a model for how we as Christians are supposed to carry ourselves. We need to also hear more stories like yours!


      • There was a time that I was frustrated and discouraged with being single. But what kept me from falling for something inferior was my call in life ( full time ministry), my personal standards , and my personal relationship with Jesus. I didn’t want to be out if His will. I made him my first love and realized that I was a complete person with or without a husband. Knowing God’s promises concerning giving me the desires of my heart was a huge strength. It’s really a walk of faith. The answer (that person) may not show up right away, but “This is the confidence we have in him, that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us, and if we know that he hears us, we know we have the petition we have asked of him.” Faith keeps believing no matter how long it takes! I did little acts of faith… Giving into other people’s weddings, dreaming about my own, writing a book on what I believed, etc. It was me telling God that I believed and was confident he would come through for me! God was faithful and always will be! I made some mistakes along the way but thankfully God is patient and gets you back on track cuz you’re focused on Him !

      • Wow Christa…..thanks for sharing that. I really liked what you said about being a complete person with or without a husband. We are complete because we have a relationship with Christ!!! Is that what you meant because if it is then that is an amazing truth. I don’t need to look for someone to complete me because I am already complete because of Christ. God has more in store for me concerning marriage. I thought that was a great point.

        The other thing that stuck out was when you mentioned the ‘little acts of faith’ you did. I thought that was a great point! You believed in God but it was accompanied with action even if it was small actions……that really ministers to me. I need to do more of that.
        Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. I really appreciate the advise.


  1. Dear Rolain,
    Your thought was very true. Trusting God could be so hard to do. It is about our Faith to God. When for the first time I met a guy (Now he is my husband) There was something my heart and mind. I just felt that he is for me. But you know what, I found a fact that we were different religion. But I pray,pray and alwasy pray, I totally rely on His Grace and I trust that God will gives me a way and answer. though it was so hard but I remain trust in God. If you ask me how I could did that?( Well, sorry, does not mean to a advised you) What i did is make a very close relationship and intimacy with God continually. Knowing and comprehend very God’s word. As God say to us : Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;(Proverbs 3:5)
    Oh I have to much commented here. So sorry I just share my thought 🙂 Anyway, your writting also became a blessing to me 🙂 Thank you for sharing this. God Bless.

    • Karina, my dear dear sister!

      Thank you so so much for your comment. It has really helped. You should share your story about how you met your husband. It will encourage a lot of people. And please don’t feel you cant share all your thoughts with me. I welcome them, no matter how long it is. I loved what you said in your comment about how you had to pray and pray. That really gives me hope. I am almost in a situation like that but the circumstances are crazy. Only God can make a way.

      I need to trust God to make a way and give me an answer! So so true Karina. I needed this.
      And please, I will say it again. Feel free to advise me and feel free to share all you want to share. I really welcome it and need it……I appreciate you sharing your experience with me. It has really encouraged me and given me hope.
      God bless you so much!


  2. Rolain,

    Great post – I was just speaking to a single Christian friend about this yesterday! I love to see the body of Christ thinking as one! This subject like most is not just one sided, clear cut and dry – there are so many things that go with it – prayer, humility, grace, mercy, wisdom, faith, trust, strength, will, obedience – knowing God sees all and is in control! I feel the Spirit prompting me to say this…”sometimes we have to patiently wait on God while He finishes His good work in us, while He remakes us in the image of Christ, while He prepares our hearts for the oneness/complete unity of marriage, while He renews our minds for the trials to come – responsibilites, children/parenting, finances, etc. – all of which His grace and mercy are sufficient in every circumstance! Know Who holds you in the palm of His hand – God!”

    God bless you.

    Jennifer – I Give God All The Glory

    • Hi Jennifer
      Thank you so much for the word. You are so right….There is so much to consider when marriage is spoken about. I really agree with what you have said about God preparing my heart and remaking me in His image. It makes so much sense. That is a lot to think about. I want to thank you as well for your support and your encouragement. As singles we just go and think we have no one to guide us but the truth is we do. People who have gone through what we are going through right now.

      When I meet my wife I want to be ready. I want to be whole and I want to reflect God in how I treat her. I want to be the man God has called me to be and glorify Him in my relationship with my wife!

      Thanks again Jennifer. I deeply appreciate your insight and words of encouragement!!!
      I needed them…..
      Bless you


    • Jennifer, that is very true. It can be very long and painstaking process. The discomfort if being pruned, remolded and shaped into who we’re supposed to be and who He wants us to be.

  3. Great blog, Rolain. I commend you. Not only on the commentment you have made, but on keeping your heart open to the voice of God. He is constantly teaching us. Keep focusing on Him and His plan for your life. Everything else will fall into place. Jeremiah 29:11.

    • Hey Lisa!!
      It’s been a while, how are you?
      Thank you for the encouragement. It’s been hard I must admit. But I will continue trusting God knowing He is in control…..


    • Interesting post, Rol. As far as God matchmaking us by His grace is concerned, what are your thoughts on love at first sight?

      As Christians, can we entertain the idea of, “the one,” being our other half? The world often talks about it, but is it a necessary notion for Christians considering the impact of the grace of God?

      • Hey Tarisai.
        That is a very difficult question to answer because I am still soaking in the new revelation about grace and how that affects our relationships.
        But let me give it a go…..haha

        Because God’s grace is involved in the process of matchmaking doesn’t mean we should be reckless and choose anybody. And yes, I acknowledge God’s grace but that doesn’t affect my view of relationships in the sense of “the One”. I still believe God has a person for us but now I can really on His grace to bring me to her. It’s no more about what I have been doing to remain pure. I will meet the person God has for me by His grace. I won’t deserve her but in His grace we will meet. She will be a gift from God and not a product of my efforts and that is grace! I hope that makes sense?
        For a long time I thought I was going to meet the one because I didn’t do certain things but I see now it is because of His grace I will meet her.

        Yes the word has the same notion about the one. That is true. But how do we know they didn’t adopt it from us? And the world doesn’t acknowledge God in the process of finding the one. It just happened after a random turn of events but the truth is God is involved in the match making process. That is where grace comes in….

        I hope I answered your question.

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