Thoughts and Feelings About 2012.


I have been thinking about this year. It has had good parts and bad and it wouldn’t be fair if I just focused on the good. There are things that I see that I know I could of done better and there are things I should of left well alone. So this post as hard as it is to write is about my failures. I realise that God has given me so much but I shouldn’t take them for granted. I will be accountable for the talents and opportunities I haven’t taken.
I am only going to touch on a few of the failures in the hope that as I read over them over time I avoid making the same mistakes.

The first thing is about the way I see. I have missed some important opportunities because I failed to see. Let me explain what I mean.
The church called for a prayer on the 12/12/12. This was a very significant day but I didn’t go because I had just finished doing a Christmas Production and 3 days of intense teaching. But because I was “tired” I missed out on meeting with God. I missed out on declaring things over my life and my church. I was so convicted. I failed to see that by going I would meet with God. I listened to my flesh and it robbed me of something precious!!!

The other opportunity I missed was when I travelled to Malaysia. I was given some spending money on the last day and instead of using it to pay off my trip I spent it on clothes and the like!!! Again, my flesh got in the way!! I felt so bad. How could I not see that opportunity?! There was an opportunity to put the money towards the trip but instead I used it on myself!!!

I started working at a coffee shop about 3 months ago and I have been lazy to work on my own company! I have seen opportunities and I know I can do both things but I have been lazy. It is crazy….!
The more I write the more I see how I have allowed the flesh to rule me!

I have a mentor and I felt I needed to speak to a certain man to be a mentor in my life. I have been putting it off for some months now. There are so many qualities that I want that I see in him but I have been procrastinating and I have been taught that procrastination is just delayed disobedience! There are times I wonder how God can use me………

The last thing I would like to talk about is sin. I have allowed myself to get comfortable with sin. There are things I am dealing with which came about by my own foolishness!!! How could I be so blind? There are things that I am fighting which I am really not supposed to be struggling with but am because I was just acting the fool………

This year has been a learning one. There are things that need to change. I am not going to have 2012 all over again. 2013 is going to be better and not because I rely on my own strength but because God is for me! Save me from my own craziness Lord.

I am not usually that raw but I needed to vent. If I can’t be transparent with you then what’s the point????
Please remember me in your prayers.
Rolain.

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4 thoughts on “Thoughts and Feelings About 2012.

  1. Your very public confession inspired me. I, too, have fallen short of the glory of the Lord, but through living and learning, I have hope for my future. Good luck to you in 2013, and may God richly bless you just as you have blessed your readers and students!

    • I am glad it inspired you. I am grateful for having people around me who I can be open with. I am looking forward to 2013 and I pray that your 2013 will full of blessing and prosperity. May God bless you.

  2. Thanks for your transparency Rolain. I can relate. Our confessions free us and free others, as we see we are not alone in our struggles. God is so good to give us companions on our journey. May you be blessed beyond your imagination.

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