Thoughts and Feelings About 2012.

I have been thinking about this year. It has had good parts and bad and it wouldn’t be fair if I just focused on the good. There are things that I see that I know I could of done better and there are things I should of left well alone. So this post as hard as it is to write is about my failures. I realise that God has given me so much but I shouldn’t take them for granted. I will be accountable for the talents and opportunities I haven’t taken.
I am only going to touch on a few of the failures in the hope that as I read over them over time I avoid making the same mistakes.

The first thing is about the way I see. I have missed some important opportunities because I failed to see. Let me explain what I mean.
The church called for a prayer on the 12/12/12. This was a very significant day but I didn’t go because I had just finished doing a Christmas Production and 3 days of intense teaching. But because I was “tired” I missed out on meeting with God. I missed out on declaring things over my life and my church. I was so convicted. I failed to see that by going I would meet with God. I listened to my flesh and it robbed me of something precious!!!

The other opportunity I missed was when I travelled to Malaysia. I was given some spending money on the last day and instead of using it to pay off my trip I spent it on clothes and the like!!! Again, my flesh got in the way!! I felt so bad. How could I not see that opportunity?! There was an opportunity to put the money towards the trip but instead I used it on myself!!!

I started working at a coffee shop about 3 months ago and I have been lazy to work on my own company! I have seen opportunities and I know I can do both things but I have been lazy. It is crazy….!
The more I write the more I see how I have allowed the flesh to rule me!

I have a mentor and I felt I needed to speak to a certain man to be a mentor in my life. I have been putting it off for some months now. There are so many qualities that I want that I see in him but I have been procrastinating and I have been taught that procrastination is just delayed disobedience! There are times I wonder how God can use me………

The last thing I would like to talk about is sin. I have allowed myself to get comfortable with sin. There are things I am dealing with which came about by my own foolishness!!! How could I be so blind? There are things that I am fighting which I am really not supposed to be struggling with but am because I was just acting the fool………

This year has been a learning one. There are things that need to change. I am not going to have 2012 all over again. 2013 is going to be better and not because I rely on my own strength but because God is for me! Save me from my own craziness Lord.

I am not usually that raw but I needed to vent. If I can’t be transparent with you then what’s the point????
Please remember me in your prayers.
Rolain.